Together Apart

In the course of living our lives, we meet a lot of people. Acquaintace or maybe more than that. A lot of them will just come and go, and there will be some who will leave special marks. I don't believe in pure coincidences, things happen because they have to happen.  We meet people because at some point, there is a need to meet them. Our paths are just fated to cross for certain reasons. Lucky for those who know exactly why. But most of the time, things gets a little mixed up which makes it hard to figure out why we had to meet on the first place. 

Sometimes fate works mysteriously. We get to meet people at the perfect time, and that is way too easy. But it doesn't always work that way. As i always say, SHIT HAPPENS! And without a doubt, timing is such a bitch.  By the start of this year i met somebody. It was a casual meeting. We  stayed at the same shop for days but barely talked. But a sudden twist of events happened. A simple "hi" started another story. 

Things were different after that. A long night of chatting about anything under the sun was inevitable.  We shared the same passion on things.. travels, adventures, running, everything. It was like i can see myself in him a lot. Guess that would be the reason why we talked almost every single day from then on. A sushi dinner date and a whole Friday night spent with him was just amazing. But my flight back was a few hours after. I thought that was the end of it. I sent him a message at the airport saying "see you when i see you." ... words from somebody who suck at goodbyes to somebody who i'm pretty sure i will not see again. I secretly hoped for another chance though. A chance that would only become a reality if fate would be good to me. And i guess the odds are on my side that time.

His friend made plans of  going to Boracay, just in time for my valentine trip with friends there. And so definitely we will meet again. But fate was extra good to me that time. After our talks, he decided to go to my city for a few days just before the Boracay trip. Doing things together on our separate lists was really fun. Spending time with him made me feel comfortably happy and at home. We were inseparable in a sense that even his friend got jealous cos he thought he was spending more time with me. We had happy moments together. We like doing the same things without faking it. We were simply enjoying the NOW rather than worrying about the what ifs. It was happiness in a surprise.

It was only during our last night together in Boracay that everything was sinking in to me. He gave me my first ever valentine date. An italian dinner by the sea. He didn't know that was exactly what i wanted. I told him nothing. But that's what i got. He made me really happy even more.  Being with him in Cebu, Davao and Boracay made me realize a lot of things. For just a few days of being together, i didn't realize somebody would make me miss a lot... doing things together, cuddling, kissing or just simply doing nothing and just being happy together. I never told him that at that time. He asked me a lot of times what i was thinking cos maybe he caught me staring blanky at the sea that night. I just kept saying NOTHING. I lied. At that point i didn't want the night to end. I wanted to freeze time. I was crying inside knowing that when the sun rises tomorrow everything will end with it.  For the first time i doubted my decision to leave the Philippines. At that point i didn't want to leave. Honestly, i was too happy to leave. And the thought that i might not get another chance of having that kind of bliss scared me. At that moment i just wanted to be with him and i just didn't want to let go. 

Shit happens. There was no way of escaping reality. I had to leave, he has to stay. And the only chance i could get is one more night in Cebu before i finally leave the country. Again the odds were with me. He ditched the plan of going with his friend to Oslob just to spend  a few more hours with me. It was heaven and hell at the same time. It was surely another happy moment to add up but the thought of letting go of everything in a few hours is eating me up. I was too afraid. I suck at goodbyes and worst, i didn't want to say goodbye. The final moment we had at the airport was torture. I wanted to be with him more. But it was time to leave and with that was the greater chance of not seeing him again. I never told him anything about what was really going on. I was too afraid that he was seeing things differently. I was too afraid that i would only set my hopes high that there would be a possibility of being US even with the miles in between and eventually  get disappointed because it wouldn't happen.  I never heard his side of the story. 

All communication lines were surprisingly still open after that. Everyday we sent messages to each other. He even tried to go to Malaysia to see me. Effort was well appreciated for sure. When i got to UAE we still talked....  whatsapp, viber, skype and even regular sms...everyday... He said he even got to the point of looking for a way to do his diving course here. But i guess it was not really meant to be. And some good things are really not meant to last. The distance issue slowly surfaced. The reality of being not together is growing. And the fact that things will never be possible with the miles in between is clouding the happy moments of the past. I am beginning to believe that long distance relationships don't really work. I never realized that even after the failure of my 7-year long distance relationship. Maybe because i have always believed that it is better to be truly happy with someone than just being comfortable with anybody available. And that I was trapped in the notion that it was always the quality of time spent together not the quantity. But the truth is, it doesn't work as how simple as it may look. It just couldn't be unless one, if not both, will take a risk of changing the course of fate. It is just too impossible now. Guess you can't really get everything that you want. And i didn't realize that a simple "hi" would end  up with a complicated "goodbye".  True, what happens after we meet up for a few weeks? Another endless waiting for the uncertain. It would be hard especially when you really want to be with that somebody for real. Even skype cannot replace that. The urge of being together should be greater than just the mere liking. There can never be a real relationship if two people are not sure of what they really want and go after it. Things will never work unless both decide to take risks and try to make things work. It will only work if both of you will make it work. It takes two to tango.  Yes, i always say that we always have choices... It's just a YES or a NO... no ifs, no buts... But sometimes, our choices would depend on things we don't have control over with. And that's when choices make us. By then, taking chances is all we can do.

My happy times with him may only be memories of the past. I am not sure but it is better to think things that way. It will be an unfinished business for now.  And i am not sure if it would be better to leave it that way or not. Lets just see what happens to us. I guess we both need time to realize if we both want to take risks and spend time with each other again or not. I guess we both need time away to realize if everything is worth all these shit and that being happy together is better than being happy with somebody else. Reality check...we are two different people, having two different lives, in two different parts of the world, having two different realities around us and were just given a few amazing weeks to make happy memories together. I was really happy with him, i have never been happier. It was like my soul has become at home within his company. But it was obviously not enough. His like for me was not enough for him to take a big move. My fondness of him is not enough to take the risk of going with the consequences of giving everything up here. Time and distance have become my enemies. Fate has already decided. And the odds are  no longer with me. He asked me why do i still like him after everything and i answered him in an instant..."i don't know.  If i only had a choice why would i complicate my life instead of making it simple. I never thought i would like you this much and who would have thought we would come this far." We can never choose who will enter our lives and much more who will be special to us. Out of nowhere at an unexpected time, it just happens. That is the magic  of it. He was part of my legend and i was part of his that's why our paths crossed. I just don't know if we still are and will still be. Maybe there was a need for the two of us to meet. If the two of us were not meant to stay in touch for these past few months then everything should have ended after the sushi date. But it didn't. Maybe we needed each other at that certain point in time. And maybe there is a reason of losing each other now. So if we are meant to meet again, we will meet again. What's meant to happen will happen. It is just a big case of bad timing. It is a case of being TOGETHER APART. And this is our story. 

and this will forever remind me of the US there never was..

32 Things I Learned from Life in 32 Years

The Number Thirty-Two... what's with that number? Oh well, today, I just turned 32, my first ever birthday away from home. and i think getting a year older is a blessing.. And since i always do something for my birthday, so i decided to make a list of what life has taught me all these years.

Here is a list of my 32 Things I Learned from Life in 32 Years:

1. Life is Beautiful. We may forget it at our down times, but it still is.
2. Take vacations. Go to as many places as you can. You can always make money, you can't always make memories.
3. SHIT happens.
4. It's GOOD TO BE BAD sometimes.
5. It's all in the mind. Your way of thinking will always affect your life.
6. Sometimes when you break the rules, you make everything right.
7. Take photos as much as possible. You can always go back to the same place over and over, you can always do things again and again... but you can never get that same experience and memory twice.
8. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. You can try it your way but if nothing happens after that, stop forcing or else you will just inflict more injury to the injured.. better leave it to FATE.
9. Sometimes, a HUG is all that you need. 
10. In the end, family is still family and friends can be family too.
11. Not all of your friends are TRUE. The masks will wear off in time. Don't expect much.
12. You can't always be nice. Sometimes you have to set boundaries. People will take advantage of you if you don't.
13. You don't have to tell the truth ALL THE TIME. Some things are meant to be kept.
14. Small things mean a lot. Even a simple "hi" will change your mood for the rest of the day.
15. You can't always get what you want.
16. Sometimes when you are angry, you have the right to be angry.
17. At some point in your life, YOU WILL GO CRAZY OVER LOVE, VERY CRAZY!
18. Never forget the child in you. Sometimes we make our own complications in life. Life was always simple back in our childhood days. It's always good to be happy even with just little treats and candies.
19. You can never be too sure about anything.
20. Take Chances. If you think you have all the time, YOU ARE WRONG! There are some things that you will not be able to do next time. Regrets will always come later.
21. Never take for granted omens along the way. Keep your eyes open. Be alert on the warning signs. 
22. It's not always about money, it should always be about what makes you happy.
23. You have to have time for yourself. Travel alone, get lost, explore, meet people, do absolutely nothing or do everything you want... just then, you will find yourself and you will know what you really want in life without other people telling you.
24. Change is a must. But be sure you are ready for whatever!
25. We always have a CHOICE, ALWAYS. And sometimes, we have to choose between what we want to happen from what should be done. Trust me, it will make you crazy!
26. Some things are better left unsaid. Cos WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT YOU!
27. Letting go is never easy. Saying GOODBYE will either hurt one or both of you. Until now, i honestly suck at it.
28. The WHAT IFs are inevitable. Sooner or later you will realize you could have done this instead of that. It's normal. Just don't dwell on it much.
29. Emotions are contagious. Go with happy people, they will make you happy.
30. Never get too attached to something which isn't yours. Letting go would be torture.
31. Most of the time the best way to help is to just listen. You will never fully understand things unless we become them. It will always be a case to case basis. 
32. It is not with the quantity of time but the quality of time that you were together. Even a seven-year relationship cannot be compared to a month of pure bliss. The feeling of being at home is what matters.

I don't know if everybody would agree on all of these but this is definitely the way i see life now. Let's just LIVE, LOVE and be HAPPY!!! and that's all i wish for my birthday today... 

Waiting: Fighting Against Time

“The wait is long, my dream of you does not end.” 

― Nuala O'Faolain, My Dream of You

waiting for you is like cursing the time.

it is going beyond what is immeasurable,

as what they say irrational.

sometimes i wish time would stand still...

for every second that comes brings me closer to infinity.

it's hard to be left behind... it's hard to be the one who stays. -The Time Traveller's Wife

what if i tell you i'm finally tired of waiting,

will you come back to me rushing?

what if i tell you i have my whole lifetime to wait,

will it take you take forever?

“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, 

knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.” 

― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

how many lamps should be lit to help you see the path?
how many minutes will it take you to find your way?

how many leaves will the trees shed to welcome the coldness of winter?
how will i ever find you in this darkness?


“I don't care how wonderful heaven is, I won't be content waiting thirty years for you.” 
― Jason F. Wright, The Wednesday Letters

it's not just about emotions.
pain would have killed me a hundred times if it was.
 it's all about making a choice.
it's all about having a decision.


"She doesn't know what's right. She doesn't know what's wrong. 
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for him so long. 
And she doesn't count the teardrops that she's cried while he's away, 
because she knows deep in her heart, he'll be back someday."
 - Eagles, "The Girl from Yesterday"

stop. come back. and kiss me.

----o----

two, three, four years?
nobody holds the future.
maybe tomorrow, or the day after that.
or just maybe forever.
but for now i do not know.
in time. yes!
you will know.
i will let you know.

10 Things I Want You to Remember

I have asked this question to myself a hundred times, "What do i want people to remember in me when the future comes to steal the day?". I am not part of the royal family that people will surely speak highly of me. I am not an actress that people will talk about the movies i made or the awards i got. I am just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life, in an ordinary world. So what then will the people around me say when they come together and talk of me?

there are 10 things that i would like people to remember when they think of me.

i want to be remembered as  the girl....

1. who could always brighten up your day even if she couldn't brighten her own. making other people happy even in your own down days is not that easy. but as much as i can, i smile and act as if nothing is bothering me cos i have always believed that emotions are contagious. if you are happy, those  people surrounding you will also be happy. (well, unless she's your enemy, she will feel otherwise. lol). 
2. who can be anybody's true friend. all my mom's friends would agree that my mom is really a good one, an ideal best friend i should say. and all throughout my lifetime, i have been trying my best to follow her footsteps but failed a hundred times. she doesn't hold grudges, i do. she easily forgives, i don't. truth is, i can easily make friends and i can guarantee true and lasting friendship. i value loyalty much and finds betrayal between friends unforgivable. and that's where the problem starts. it's just so sad that i already lost some. but one thing is for sure, i don't hate without valid and validated reasons. so if you are complaining, please think twice and evaluate. i love my friends, i would protect and keep them the best way i can, so i don't just ditch any of them. 
3. who has always believed in LOVE. yes, for the nth time i will forever be grateful that i was given the chance to experience love on the third degree. love may have chosen to fly away but still it is not a reason to easily give up. no i don't hate him. i never reached that point. although sometimes i see myself asking for it. i have always believed  that i have to be enraged inorder for me to make moving on easier. but sadly, that is not the case, it was never the case. guess, my feelings are much more powerful than the hate and anger  i've been wanting to have. now i'm just hoping for the best. soon. i also want to be remembered as a loving daughter who would give my fam the best life i could (well, that i have to work on. lol) and the best mom for my Pretty Baby Niji who have been my constant companion for more than a year now.
4. who invests much on memories. i'm into saving memories.taking pictures has been my passion. i have always believed that it's good to have something to remind us of the past, both good and bad. i don't have a car but i already bought four cameras to date. i gave the last one i bought to my little sissy, while the first one is still alive but barely breathing. lol. my cams are my prized possessions that's why i can't just lend it to anyone.
5. who has the sunniest disposition in life. i am not the type of person who just sits still, shuts my mouth and watch everybody else do their stuffs. honestly, i can't really shut my mouth. well, zipping my mouth only happens in three situations: when i'm pissed off /angry, when i'm sleepy and not on the mood and when i'm sleeping. so most of the time you will see me chatting with friends, old and new. i love to see people smile and laugh. it makes me happy inside. that's why as much as possible i want to display a happy me when i'm with them. i love reminding people to get rid of the negative vibes even though sometimes i tend to forget to apply it. i just want the people around me to be happy. simple as that.
6. who keeps on sending inspirational messages. i have been sending daily inspirational and devotional messages to friends on my phonebook. but there was a time that i suddenly stopped thinking i could no longer do it. it was not because i found the act a bit costly but because i found it inappropriate. i was then at my lowest point. the world seemed to stop around me. i ceased running. i stopped doing zumba. i ate a lot but lost weight even more in the process. i was just holding on to the little faith i had. and so i stopped texting. but now i realized, my friends may need it more than i do. their thank yous and amens are food for my heart. and that's what keeps me going.
7. who loves running. i've been running for years. i have done a number of  runs, both early morning and night runs. it has been my passion. my body started to look for it. my body was loving every step i made. it was actually a few hours break from reality. when i run, all i think of is finishing the race. i call it my life from the starting line to the finish line. nobody dictates you what to do when you are inside the race. it's like leaving everything you are worrying about for a few minutes or hours. i just love running. it's not also all about the race. it's more of gaining confidence and pride while meeting new friends in the process. i miss my runaways family. i suddenly stopped running and it has been months now, since february 2012 to be exact. it was when i got a knee injury plus a broken heart all at the same time. i want to go back soon. i will go back really soon. keeping my fingers crossed. see you all!
8. who has her way with kids. ever since, i have always loved babies and kiddos. my mom knows that well. they remind me not to complicate life and be happy with just anything. even my nieces and nephews love to stay in my bedroom and play. i have stored candies, crayons, water colors, color pencils, drawing book, toys and stuffs. i even prefer watching cartoons more than any series or movies. i don't know but kids make me happy. their smiles are so precious. their laughters are music to my ears. i just love how simple things make them happy. i even dream of spending my next birthday with kids with cancer. hopefully, i can do it. 
9. who looks like a total biatch but a real girl next door in disguise. i love wearing skimpy shorts, body-hugging dresses, sexy bikinis and stuffs like that. i've got a number of sexy beach photos which people may think that i'm overly exposing myself to others. i am not  the conservative type when it comes to dressing up or having photoshoots with friends. i also find it easier to mingle with guys than girls. well, this is me. people may have tagged me accordingly basing on those. well, that doesn't affect me much though. just so you would know, i had my first relationship when i was already working. and that i only had ONE boyfriend at my age of 30 which actually lasted for seven years, and a long distance relationship. and i'm proud to say that i never played around. so i guess it would be safe to say that you should scratch out your notion of me being a playgirl now. lol. looks can be decieving hunny. well, actually i can easily be a biatch if i really want to. well, anybody else can.
10. who loves adventure. i am an adventure-seeker. i am the type of person who loves to try new stuffs and visit new places. i don't settle with what's conventional. i even travel alone. well, i find spending alone time away from home exciting and comforting. it's always good to explore new destinations, try new delicacies, learn more about their culture and meet random people, without worrying about anyone but yourself. i'd like to do an inverted zip, bungee jump and learn how to swim so i can join a triathlon. well, hopefully soon. i actually got a number of things to do. i just hope i can do it all especially the travelling part.

so how then will you talk of me? 

Seduction Secret #58: Don’t apologize for what you want. Go after it. -Victoria's Secret

Convention for Those Wounded in Love

Pring tagged me this read today after reading my previously posted blog entry. i found this really comforting, relevant and timely. Paulo Coelho has touched my heart again and so did one of my bestest  buds... thank you for this Ms. April Teresa Dy. hugs and kisses... see you soon, this month that is!

Convention for Those Wounded in Love

by PAULO COELHO

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battlefield, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination: Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

The BREAKING

i have kept this heart intact for a years. it was a supposed anniversary gift. a his and hers kind of thing. he gets the girl, i get the boy. but for some reason it was never really given away, never broken apart. 

i lost count of the absence. i don't know when to start counting. all i know is that it has been for some time now.   and though it still hurts much, i don't have any choice but to move on and accept things. today i finally had the courage to do what i feared to do. it was part of my 30thingsin30daysbefore30 list.  and today i have seen it. he looked happy. i've seen the smiles. i can tell he is. whatever reasons he may have, one thing is clear to me, he doesn't want me to be part of his life now. i just wished it would bring in hate this time. but it didn't. much hurt came, piercing like a knife. Oh love, why are you so hard on me?

i so wish i am out of here. memories hurt more that anything else. every corner of this room reminds me of everything. and trust me, it is much difficult for me as you can imagine. i just want a tight hug from mama and papa right now. i wish they are just a few steps away. and yes my alone time gives me the distraction that i need, but temporarily. it is when i get home, go to bed and close my eyes everyday that i'm having a hard time dealing with. sometimes i wonder why i wasn't born rich so i could travel anytime and anywhere i want to. it would be much easier for someone like me who finds comfort in travelling.

a few more days before my birthday. and i know God has a perfect gift for me when that day comes. and i can't wait for that special box coming my way. but for now i just owe my self some silence, some time to break, some time to bleed. in time.... in God's perfect time...

Dear Heart,

I'm sorry i had to break you.

I suppose it is the right time.

Just give me some time.

Let's not rush into things.

There's still a lot to do to perfectly heal.

Breaking is just part of it, the start of it.

But for now let us just bleed together.

We both need it my dear heart.

Soon enough we will find that good in goodbye.

Soon.

And by that time we will have a different story to tell.

A story worth telling.

xxx,

bLack aNgeL

Feeling Sad

contemplating over a glass of Hot Choco Mint

and my first slice of Durian Brazo at Chicco di Caffe.

well, it's ME time again.

i guess i'm starting to get used to going on solo nowadays.

but i somewhat kinda like it in a way though.

i get to think of a lot of things, both sad and happy.

two days ago i started feeling sad.

it was really strange.

i'm not really sure why i'm feeling this way upto now.

i've been having this feeling that something is going to happen,

unexpectedly.

something i would never wish to happen.

with an injured knee, i could not run this feeling away.

and this makes it even harder.

such a sad thought.

but what if?

what if it really happens?

i'm speechless.

i can't wait to be happy again.

i can't wait to wear a smile like what these happy boxes are wearing.

happy hormones, please come back soon. please!

"We have two options, medically and emotionally:

Give Up or Fight Like Hell."

~ Lance Armstrong

FacebookLESS

people have been asking me, Why don't they see me on facebook anymore?

well, once and for all i am going to give them the answers here.

you won't see me on facebook because i stopped logging on to the site.

i just had to stop.

why?

because..

1. there are people i don't want to see.

2.there are posts i don't want to read.

3. there are things i don't want to know.

plus

when you stop doing what you are used to doing,

4. you will know yourself more.

5. you will know the people around you more.

6. you will know what things really matter.

7. you will know who cares if you're gone or not.

8. you will know who knows where and how to find you.

it's really not easy.

it's not easy giving up on something you really don't want to give up.

it's not easy having and knowing those reasons why you should give up.

and definitely it's not easy to let go of something you've had for years,

got used to doing and has been part of your daily life.

this act of abstinence has taught me so much.

it may look simple, but i definitely learned a lot.

10 Lessons in Life i learned when i gave up facebooking:

1. you can only be truly happy when you let go of the things that make you unhappy.

2. sometimes, being silent is the best way to deal with things.

3. not everybody around you is your friend.

4. you should know when is the best time to talk and when not to.

minding your own business and keeping yours will save you from trouble.

5. talk to the right persons.

6. try not to find out things if you think you're not ready to deal with it.

7. a time away from those people who has brought you hurt makes healing easier.

8. some things happen for UNobvious and obvious reasons,

some things just simply happen.

9. a person only hears what he wants to hear.

10. there are questions in life that you can't really answer by yourself,

the hardest and most painful is the WHY?

i'm not yet going back to facebook.

i am not ready.

and i don't want to.

honestly, the pain is more than the happiness it brings.

i'd rather stay out of it than turn my friends into enemies,

turn the people i love into people i don't want to be with,

and turn somebody i know into a total stranger.

goodbye for now facebook.

and see you soon.

i will be back.

i promise!

Three

LIFE's LESSON NO. 3

What you don't know won't hurt you.

FORGIVING and FORGETTING

I'm in love with Paulo Coelho. I've been following his tweets for months now. And now i'm an avid fan of his blog. I just love his special gift of words and wisdom. Paulo Coelho Rocks!!!

Oh well, he did ask for some opinions on forgiving and forgetting...

"I would like to hear your opinion on forgiving and forgetting. When people hurt you: do you forgive and forget? Or do you just forgive but don’t forget?"

hmmmm... is it evil not to forget? ... well, when people hurt me i don't easily forgive, much more forget. It would take days, months or even years. I kinda forgive and forget super later or i remember everything forever. I'm a woman of pride, i must admit. If somebody hurts me, then be it. Cease with the talking cos i believe more talks lead to more hurtful words which would eventually lead to not forgiving at all. Does this make me more evil? hope not. Well, i agree with what Paulo Coelho said "People who tend to be seen as good – usually forgive and forget. But I don’t think that this is a question of being good or evil – I think the point is about being just. So maybe the tendency to forgive and forget those that have hurt us is not necessarily a good thing. Because if we don’t do anything to people that hurt us – they will probably continue on hurting others." Makes sense right? It's too hard to forget something really painful. Forgiving may come in handy but not forgetting. When will those people stop hurting us if we end up easily forgiving and forgetting every time they hurt us? Guess, it's good to be bad sometimes ayt?

To all my kinda ex-friends: Maybe... just maybe... when the coast is clear, the ship can go home safely!

Contemplating over River's death

APRIL 23, 2010... Friday

Contemplating over River's death.. Oh yeah! River's dead.. River who? Baby River.. died at the age of two.. such a short time to live,such a tragic death.. I could still remember playing with him everytime his lola brings him to our home.. kicking that fancy stuffed ball as if playing soccer indoors.. his smile was so real.. his laugher was contagious.. i miss him...

His death made me think what if that was me? would i be ready? would the people around me now, miss me when i'm gone?... i really don't know....

would i be really proud of myself?... i dunno.. should i be?.. don't wanna be the judge.. but i'd like to think that those people i'm with now, would appreciate those simple things i did and will still do in the future ... this is why i would like to keep this page for as long as i can, so when i get old i get to read over these pages again and reminisce all the things from the past...

reposting..

from months of somewhat abandoning my multiply account, i finally decided to open it with the primary objective of looking for on-sale swimsuits. but instead of feasting my eyes with colorful and sexy suits, i came across a reposted quote.

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reposted from multiply (illac diaz)

Recopying a Quote : Playing Small Does Not Serve the World

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

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Indeed, this is truly inspiring!

im hurt part 2

OMG! i have three (3) MORE bruises on my back.. two (2) on the right and one (1) on the left.. didn't notice it earlier.. i just felt an ache on my back so i checked it on the mirror... huhuhuhu...

i'm hurt

while i was on my way to work yesterday morning, we were caught in an accident.. our vehicle got crashed by another... and i got this...

plus i got some backaches and a clicking sound on my right leg bone when i walk.. still subject to observation though... and my dad got some bruises and had an injury on his right pinky too...

i'm thankful that this happened though coz it made me realize a lot of things...

• family comes first!
• i still want to live!
• i now know who really cares for me...
• if you think you know who your real friends are, think again.
• my gary loves me..lol