Three Cheese Mushroom Linguine

Thank God it's Friday!

today is our first ever friendly IG food post competition. i am not really a good cook and i seldom do cooking but i love to play around with my food. and i'd like to claim i have a little skill with plating. Chris a.k.a @cholma, a friend from Canada and i agreed to have some fun with our Instagram posts. we agreed to do our own pasta anytime this week and post it today. so last night, i skipped gym cos it was raining and decided to finally make my linguine.i even sent my gym buddies @sansantres and @hazelsanbuyog some for a taste test.

i am an IG addict, i must admit. i check it more than i check other sites. and much more, i like the thought that i get to be more acquainted with lots of people from different parts of the world and see the beauty of the world through their eyes. technology is not bad after all.

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. LIVE and EXPLORE.

every place is worth a visit. 

every little thing is worth a try!

Six Degrees of Separation

it's never easy going through a breakup. you go through a drastic change, something inevitable. i am really not sure if james ingram was honest enough to say that there's no easy way to break somebody's heart. but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt just to make things quite equal and justify the other side. so who suffers more, the one who was left behind or the one who has left the other? it's a case to case basis, i know. but   whatever the reason for the breakup, whether you wanted it or not, it can turn your world upside down. 

on the 8th day of July this year, my friend Den sent me a message saying i should check her blog entry on 8 Things You Should Stop Doing After A Breakup . she said we were both guilty. yes i agreed.

but during the course of our conversation, i ended up contradicting instead and eventually defended my actions. 

we actually do things just to  feel okay and just simply take our minds away from reality. but the sad truth is, at the end of the day it is still there and it won't go. no one really knows what's the best thing to do. there are definitely no shortcuts, no step-by-step instructions to follow. no i won't give tips on how to move on. i am not in the right position to do that. i believe advices are only given by experts, not by mere individuals who just have the feeling of know-how. besides, i'm still coping up with whatever that is left of me.

THE SCRIPT  said in one of their songs that... 

YOU'RE DOING ALL THESE THINGS OUT OF DESPERATION.

• reading books
• watching shows
• meditating and even hypnotizing anything to take it off your mind
• hit the drinking, take the toll, watch the past go up in smoke
• fake a smile
• lie and say you're better now than ever and your life's okay when it's not
• you tell your friends, strangers too, anyone who'll throw an arm around you
• tarot cards, gems and stones, believing all this shit's gonna heal your soul

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

oh well, the band was right with all those things. i have my own share of desperate moves just to take my mind off things. i go out alone and do some binge eating for comfort, have a bottle or two just to put some numbness within, go to classes just to distract my mind so as not to think much, try new things that will make me feel good about myself. but of all things, my fave thing to do is travelling alone when my heart gets broken, that's for me to think things over while carrying the hope of finding myself. i go to places far from home. it kinda gives me a sense of comfort being away from the usual. it actually feels liberating to know that i can do things on my own. it's having the initiative to decide for myself and do whatever i want. 

there is no exact time frame for you to heal. healing takes time. you just have to be patient. there must me an internal clock within. only you will know when that time comes. only you will know when you are ready. only you will know when is the best time that you can.

Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief  that are just as relevant to the normal range of feelings people have when they are dealing with change.

1. DENIAL. this is what initially happens. normally, if you are the one who got dumped, you begin to pretend that it's not happening. and that if you try to ignore it, maybe it will go away and thing will be normal again. you begin to convince yourself that there is no truth to the breakup.
2. ANGER. when you realize that things are actually happening, denial eventually turns to anger. you now then try to find someone else to blame for the misfortune. you now try to make a monster out of the person who broke your heart. it's normal. sometimes, you will even make a big deal with the slightest mistake he made.
3. BARGAINING. it is an attempt to postpone the inevitable. it's trying to find ways on how to get out of the situation.you now begin to make secret deals with God. i will do this.. i will do that.. just give him back.. 
4. DEPRESSION. eventually, you will realize that bargaining will not stop what is actually happening. now the feeling of worthlessness sets in. you don't want other people to know that your relationship finally ended and that you are afraid of what people would think or say. at this point you are aware of the losses that the split up brings. then you feel sad and depressed. you now begin to question your self-worth, giving justifications of why the person dumped you. well good memories hurt more than the bad ones, that's a fact.
5. ACCEPTANCE. when you finally realize that things have really come to an end, acceptance sets in. here you begin to consider options. you begin to accept that things have changed and that you just have to live with it. you begin to accept that things will never be the same again and that it's time to make a brand new start.

When Kubler-Ross wrote about these stages she was very careful to explain that these are normal reactions we have to tragic news. In fact she called them defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms. And this is exactly what they are when we apply the model to coping with change. 

We don't move through the stages one at a time, in a neat, linear, step by step manner. That would be far too easy! What happens is that we occupy different stages at different times and can even move back to stages we have been in before. Kubler-Ross said the stages can last for different periods of time and will replace each other or exist at times side by side.

-http://www.change-management-coach.com

i was never at the anger stage. honestly, i sometimes feel bad for praying for anger to set in. i want to pass this stage cause i know moving on will be a lot easier if that happens. there's no perfect way to do it, i know. cause we all have different views on things. it actually makes me sad when people begin to tell me that i should let go and forget or ask me what's taking me so long to move on. i just don't get it when they say it as if it is that easy. it is somewhat sending me some power pressure to do something that i myself is unsure that i'm ready to do. it's not about how long it will take right? but it's what this journey will make out of me in the future. the important thing is, i'm learning and that i'm trying to take things the best mature way i can think of. there is a right time and place for everything. and i know for a fact that only a few people would understand where i'm coming from. i don't expect everybody else to understand me though. things have changed and things will never be the same after this. but for now i want something in mind to happen, a formal farewell. if it's really meant to end, then i just wish for a decent ending. it may not be necessary for others to think but i would think it would work for me. i don't have the hold of the future. but if it's destiny that writes and directs the entire show, i would gladly wait for my scene to come, memorize my script and deliver it well. 

oh no there's no starting over

without finding closure

you take them back 

no hesitation

that's when you know you've reached

the sixth degree of separation

Live, so you do not have to look back and say: 'God, how I have wasted my life'. 

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.(1926-2004)

Lost Flower : Search for the Missing Color

now i'm thinking,

he could have been mine.

i could have been her.

it was only a matter of time.

one of my favorite photos he sent me years ago

i met someone years ago. i met him on an online pool game. we had our own share of conversations. we chatted even without playing. we exchanged snail mails and photographs back then. there was a connection between us, i suppose. but it was distance that was against us. i had my life, he had his own. sadly, it was me who took the first step back. i stopped communicating. i guess it was because somebody else came. he found another love. i fell deeply for another. years has passed and i never heard from him. but months ago, time brought us together again. he was finally free, i was somewhat not. we talked like strangers again, trying to rebuild a lost friendship. i liked him even before. but i was too preoccupied with somebody else. so i gave him the hint of a NO. i remember him saying that it was too bad cos he's saving up to come over. sigh. and it ended everything again. time was definitely against us. he's free and i'm not. i'm free and he's not. i guess it's just not meant to be. now i can see how happy he is. one guy who once said he was not yet ready to marry, has finally tied the knot  last september, i think after year of his new relationship.i'm looking at their photos now and i can say he's really happy. i am happy for him. indeed, she's one lucky girl. 

Dear friend, 

this song will forever remind me of you.
it still gives me jitters every now and then though.
oh yes, this has been your song every since.

i'm still searching for the photo of a flower you took while visiting arizona.
 you wrote: "this was the only color i could find in the desert."
now i'm thinking, would i ever see that color again? i just hope so.
you and me is just plain you and me in reality.
i can't help but wonder what could have been.
but still i must thank you.
you are surely one of my FOREVER NEVERs.

xxx,

ceangy

Waiting: Fighting Against Time

“The wait is long, my dream of you does not end.” 

― Nuala O'Faolain, My Dream of You

waiting for you is like cursing the time.

it is going beyond what is immeasurable,

as what they say irrational.

sometimes i wish time would stand still...

for every second that comes brings me closer to infinity.

it's hard to be left behind... it's hard to be the one who stays. -The Time Traveller's Wife

what if i tell you i'm finally tired of waiting,

will you come back to me rushing?

what if i tell you i have my whole lifetime to wait,

will it take you take forever?

“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, 

knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.” 

― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

how many lamps should be lit to help you see the path?
how many minutes will it take you to find your way?

how many leaves will the trees shed to welcome the coldness of winter?
how will i ever find you in this darkness?


“I don't care how wonderful heaven is, I won't be content waiting thirty years for you.” 
― Jason F. Wright, The Wednesday Letters

it's not just about emotions.
pain would have killed me a hundred times if it was.
 it's all about making a choice.
it's all about having a decision.


"She doesn't know what's right. She doesn't know what's wrong. 
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for him so long. 
And she doesn't count the teardrops that she's cried while he's away, 
because she knows deep in her heart, he'll be back someday."
 - Eagles, "The Girl from Yesterday"

stop. come back. and kiss me.

----o----

two, three, four years?
nobody holds the future.
maybe tomorrow, or the day after that.
or just maybe forever.
but for now i do not know.
in time. yes!
you will know.
i will let you know.

BOODLE FIGHT

Boodle fight is a military style of eating where long tables are prepared and food are on top of the banana leaves. Viands and rice ready to eat using your bare hands, jugs of water are prepared on the side to wash hands before the "eating combat". With the signal to start the boodle fight, everyone aims for his/her position. -urban dictionary

Nothing beats a good time with good old friends and family. Our fair share of boodle fight on a Saturday Night. 

Double Post Birthday Celebration of Patty and Bong.

Eating Combat it is! 

 

Who would have thought the plan would push through that day?
I swear i really had fun. Laughtrip! Lol.
 See you soon. New year right???