Goodnight. Goodnight.

and yes, you made me fall in love with you again ADAM!

2013 is ♥

2013 is ♥♥♥

i want to start this year with a song from Care Bears. i want a happy song this time.

i could have used the song 6,8,12 but i'd rather have good vibes for the rest of the year.

yes, it has been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since that somewhat informal farewell.

and yes it has been exactly a year since our last day together welcoming the year at the MOA countdown.

call it double jeopardy: two unlucky events falling on the first day of the year. LOL
this is the longest so far. but this no communication thing is the best and most decent thing to do.

Masaya na siya, guguluhin ko pa ba? Syempre OO! *evil laugh* hahahahaha
chos lang...  hahaha

expect something WONDERFUL to happen here..

i have a feeling FUN is near...

2012 has definitely not been a good year for me. and you can tell why. 

so i would like to have GOOD VIBES for 2013 as much as possible.

everything ROUND. everything CIRCLE.

LUCKY Polkas everywhere for New Year's Day.

after welcoming 2013 with my little sissy and my baby Niji,

i decided to mix my own cocktail 

and watch Crazy Thing Called Love.

i should say my cocktail was good. but the movie was a lot better.

it actually gave me a good cry, my first for the year. lol

cute love story! but i guess endings like that happen only once in a blue moon. lol

kudos to my friend for making me this wish..

yes, cheers to those UNXPECTED HAPPY SURPRISES,

LOVE, HEALTH, FRIENDS and FAMILY!

and CHEERS to another new year with my ever loyal baby..

you will forever be loved my Niji.

more and more lovely years with you my ♥

These photos were taken while we were having our first morning love love moment for 2013. 

She actually found comfort between mommy, froggy and koko.. cute!

Here's my HOROSCOPE for the year...

Let's see if  any of these would come true by the end of 2013.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

GOOD VIBES for a HAPPY 2013!

♥♥♥

Six Degrees of Separation

it's never easy going through a breakup. you go through a drastic change, something inevitable. i am really not sure if james ingram was honest enough to say that there's no easy way to break somebody's heart. but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt just to make things quite equal and justify the other side. so who suffers more, the one who was left behind or the one who has left the other? it's a case to case basis, i know. but   whatever the reason for the breakup, whether you wanted it or not, it can turn your world upside down. 

on the 8th day of July this year, my friend Den sent me a message saying i should check her blog entry on 8 Things You Should Stop Doing After A Breakup . she said we were both guilty. yes i agreed.

but during the course of our conversation, i ended up contradicting instead and eventually defended my actions. 

we actually do things just to  feel okay and just simply take our minds away from reality. but the sad truth is, at the end of the day it is still there and it won't go. no one really knows what's the best thing to do. there are definitely no shortcuts, no step-by-step instructions to follow. no i won't give tips on how to move on. i am not in the right position to do that. i believe advices are only given by experts, not by mere individuals who just have the feeling of know-how. besides, i'm still coping up with whatever that is left of me.

THE SCRIPT  said in one of their songs that... 

YOU'RE DOING ALL THESE THINGS OUT OF DESPERATION.

• reading books
• watching shows
• meditating and even hypnotizing anything to take it off your mind
• hit the drinking, take the toll, watch the past go up in smoke
• fake a smile
• lie and say you're better now than ever and your life's okay when it's not
• you tell your friends, strangers too, anyone who'll throw an arm around you
• tarot cards, gems and stones, believing all this shit's gonna heal your soul

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

oh well, the band was right with all those things. i have my own share of desperate moves just to take my mind off things. i go out alone and do some binge eating for comfort, have a bottle or two just to put some numbness within, go to classes just to distract my mind so as not to think much, try new things that will make me feel good about myself. but of all things, my fave thing to do is travelling alone when my heart gets broken, that's for me to think things over while carrying the hope of finding myself. i go to places far from home. it kinda gives me a sense of comfort being away from the usual. it actually feels liberating to know that i can do things on my own. it's having the initiative to decide for myself and do whatever i want. 

there is no exact time frame for you to heal. healing takes time. you just have to be patient. there must me an internal clock within. only you will know when that time comes. only you will know when you are ready. only you will know when is the best time that you can.

Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief  that are just as relevant to the normal range of feelings people have when they are dealing with change.

1. DENIAL. this is what initially happens. normally, if you are the one who got dumped, you begin to pretend that it's not happening. and that if you try to ignore it, maybe it will go away and thing will be normal again. you begin to convince yourself that there is no truth to the breakup.
2. ANGER. when you realize that things are actually happening, denial eventually turns to anger. you now then try to find someone else to blame for the misfortune. you now try to make a monster out of the person who broke your heart. it's normal. sometimes, you will even make a big deal with the slightest mistake he made.
3. BARGAINING. it is an attempt to postpone the inevitable. it's trying to find ways on how to get out of the situation.you now begin to make secret deals with God. i will do this.. i will do that.. just give him back.. 
4. DEPRESSION. eventually, you will realize that bargaining will not stop what is actually happening. now the feeling of worthlessness sets in. you don't want other people to know that your relationship finally ended and that you are afraid of what people would think or say. at this point you are aware of the losses that the split up brings. then you feel sad and depressed. you now begin to question your self-worth, giving justifications of why the person dumped you. well good memories hurt more than the bad ones, that's a fact.
5. ACCEPTANCE. when you finally realize that things have really come to an end, acceptance sets in. here you begin to consider options. you begin to accept that things have changed and that you just have to live with it. you begin to accept that things will never be the same again and that it's time to make a brand new start.

When Kubler-Ross wrote about these stages she was very careful to explain that these are normal reactions we have to tragic news. In fact she called them defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms. And this is exactly what they are when we apply the model to coping with change. 

We don't move through the stages one at a time, in a neat, linear, step by step manner. That would be far too easy! What happens is that we occupy different stages at different times and can even move back to stages we have been in before. Kubler-Ross said the stages can last for different periods of time and will replace each other or exist at times side by side.

-http://www.change-management-coach.com

i was never at the anger stage. honestly, i sometimes feel bad for praying for anger to set in. i want to pass this stage cause i know moving on will be a lot easier if that happens. there's no perfect way to do it, i know. cause we all have different views on things. it actually makes me sad when people begin to tell me that i should let go and forget or ask me what's taking me so long to move on. i just don't get it when they say it as if it is that easy. it is somewhat sending me some power pressure to do something that i myself is unsure that i'm ready to do. it's not about how long it will take right? but it's what this journey will make out of me in the future. the important thing is, i'm learning and that i'm trying to take things the best mature way i can think of. there is a right time and place for everything. and i know for a fact that only a few people would understand where i'm coming from. i don't expect everybody else to understand me though. things have changed and things will never be the same after this. but for now i want something in mind to happen, a formal farewell. if it's really meant to end, then i just wish for a decent ending. it may not be necessary for others to think but i would think it would work for me. i don't have the hold of the future. but if it's destiny that writes and directs the entire show, i would gladly wait for my scene to come, memorize my script and deliver it well. 

oh no there's no starting over

without finding closure

you take them back 

no hesitation

that's when you know you've reached

the sixth degree of separation

Live, so you do not have to look back and say: 'God, how I have wasted my life'. 

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.(1926-2004)

Lost Flower : Search for the Missing Color

now i'm thinking,

he could have been mine.

i could have been her.

it was only a matter of time.

one of my favorite photos he sent me years ago

i met someone years ago. i met him on an online pool game. we had our own share of conversations. we chatted even without playing. we exchanged snail mails and photographs back then. there was a connection between us, i suppose. but it was distance that was against us. i had my life, he had his own. sadly, it was me who took the first step back. i stopped communicating. i guess it was because somebody else came. he found another love. i fell deeply for another. years has passed and i never heard from him. but months ago, time brought us together again. he was finally free, i was somewhat not. we talked like strangers again, trying to rebuild a lost friendship. i liked him even before. but i was too preoccupied with somebody else. so i gave him the hint of a NO. i remember him saying that it was too bad cos he's saving up to come over. sigh. and it ended everything again. time was definitely against us. he's free and i'm not. i'm free and he's not. i guess it's just not meant to be. now i can see how happy he is. one guy who once said he was not yet ready to marry, has finally tied the knot  last september, i think after year of his new relationship.i'm looking at their photos now and i can say he's really happy. i am happy for him. indeed, she's one lucky girl. 

Dear friend, 

this song will forever remind me of you.
it still gives me jitters every now and then though.
oh yes, this has been your song every since.

i'm still searching for the photo of a flower you took while visiting arizona.
 you wrote: "this was the only color i could find in the desert."
now i'm thinking, would i ever see that color again? i just hope so.
you and me is just plain you and me in reality.
i can't help but wonder what could have been.
but still i must thank you.
you are surely one of my FOREVER NEVERs.

xxx,

ceangy

Cooling Down the Gangnam Style

Hello November!

this is how we bond....

this is how we spend time and have fun...

this is what keeps us together...

Happy Birthday Patty

true friends will withstand miles of distance. it may be too good to be true but UMANGs managed the test of time... and now the family is growing with the presence of the UMANGs +1.. and since it's Patty's birthday, we all gathered together from all over the world to celebrate it with her.

even my pretty baby wanted to greet her tita a happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Suzanne Patricia Manalo-Latorre!

May you have a blast this day.

See you soon!

mwaaaaah!

As Long As You Love Me

we laugh together...

we sing together...

we do funny things together...

and we happily bonded for countless years already..

can't wait for the grand reunion!

this is just one of the videos we made at our second home last year..

i'll be posting the other videos next time..
(unplanned sending away breakfast for rhodora...
wore the singlet the whole day from the run til the airport.. chaka! lol)

As Long As You Love Me

(the UMANGS version)

50 Ways to Say Goodbye

My heart is paralyzed
My head was oversized
I'll take the high road like I should
You said it's meant to be
That it's not you, it's me
You're leaving now for my own good

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say...


(50 Ways To Say Goodbye by Train)



here's a good read for us who seem to find it hard to say goodbye...

The Brave Heart: How to Say Goodbye

http://deanartsandscience.wordpress.com

“Breaking up is hard to do.” Neil Sedaka

One of the things I am trying to teach myself is how to say goodbye. I have taught my kids to say goodbye to their friends by escorting them to the door, looking them in the eye, and sincerely thanking them for the visit. But there is a lot more to goodbye, isn’t there?

Farewell soirees, funerals, retirement events, reunions—if you don’t like saying goodbye, these events can be uncomfortable.

When you are young, you really don’t know how to say goodbye. You mumble some words, shut the door, and turn your back. Then it happens to you. Everybody knows what it feels like when your best friend moves away. You cry in your pillow. You miss them so much. You want to tell them how you feel.

You know something is missing. You want to say goodbye properly. But you don’t quite know how.

As you get older, you master different ways of saying goodbye. When I left my family to attend school in Toronto, my sister’s way of saying goodbye was awfully simple: she avoided it. I knew she cared a lot.

Lots of people avoid saying goodbye. Who can blame you? It’s too painful. You might get emotional. It’s much easier to suppress your feelings. It’s much easier easier to say “forget about it.”

I think our significant relationships are marked by what we have learned about saying goodbye. If you don’t say goodbye properly, let’s say you run away, practice avoidance, or lie about your true feelings, one thing is sure: a bad goodbye will follow you.

Like the pop song says, breaking up is hard to do. People who cannot break up properly become imprisoned by their inability to be forthright. When you can’t say goodbye, you may not resolve your feelings. Sometimes difficult feelings keep returning to you or you fall into patterns. You wish there were no unfinished business. We all want to move on but sometimes it feels like we’re running in place.

Is it wrong to skip goodbye when you no longer want a relationship with someone? For example, a good friend of mine is drifting away. What should I do? Should I let the friendship die a slow death of negligence? Or should I stab the relationship in the heart with a clear and honest goodbye?

“I am finding it hard to be friends with you. We have been friends for a long time but right now it’s not working.  It’s not the same anymore. I find it too difficult to be friends with you. If you’re not ready to resolve this, I think it’s time to move on.”

Now who the heck can say that?

A proper goodbye can change your life for the better. I said goodbye to my parents before each died and although I was enormously afraid, I said the words I needed to say. If you ever have said goodbye properly, you know how right it feels.

“I love you. I will always love you. You are my everything. If it’s okay with you I think I can let you go now.”

My children are at the stage when they are beginning and ending many relationships. I would like my son and daughter to know how to say goodbye in an honest, respectful, and sincere way. Often there is no way to avoid the pain, but there is a way to recognize and respect each person. Easier said than done, right?

Are you like me? Do you have a lot of unfinished business in your life? There are people that I have treated so poorly. I should have been more honest. I should have shown more courage. I should have been braver.

Maturity is a funny thing. How you say good bye tells you a lot about where you stand on the road of life. Can you be sensitive and honest with someone or do you bury your emotions and hope they will go away?

Sometimes, when we feel we are wronged we really want to practice avoidance and justify our denial. Sometimes we say it’s not worth it.

It’s just not worth being your friend, we say. But what we’re really saying is that self-honesty and genuine respect for another person is not worth it.

We all realize, sooner or later, that relationships only grow when we are courageous enough to voice our true feelings. We know that relationships deepen when we work through our grievances, when we express our sincere feelings, when we say how hurt we have been.

When you say goodbye to someone, whether it’s for eight hours or forever, you try to express your appreciation for your time together. But most of all, I think, you recognize that life is transitory, anything can happen, that this moment might very well be the last honest moment you have together.

How do you know you have said goodbye properly? How do you deal with the inevitable mourning period when you miss the person even as you are thankful the relationship is over? How do you avoid that seemingly endless make up and break-up cycle?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I still possess wounds from relationships gone by. I still think about my failures, and in this way old wounds sometimes never heal.

Your friend leaves you and this hurts. We cry for many reasons but the tears of goodbye seem the most potent. I thought when I was a child that death was merely a vacation.  You could simply pretend that the person was temporarily gone. How wrong I was.

I also realize that I have always wanted to avoid the pain of goodbye. I have never wanted to confront my own tears. Death is the toughest goodbye of all. There is so much that should have been said. So much that was unsaid. So much that could have been better.

When the tender tears of goodbye flow, if you are strong enough to let them, the tears can heal you.

“I just wanted to say goodbye. I wanted just to tell you how I feel. I wanted you to know how close you are.”

Whether you’re a young person deciding to break-up with your first sweet heart or a senior who is afraid to go the hospice and say goodbye to a dear friend—every moment is an opportunity to search our hearts for the truth.

What is the truth?

At the same that we are so easily damaged, so vulnerable to the words and actions of others, we also know that it is our relationships that define us. It is okay to let go of your difficult relationships. It is okay to say goodbye. But how different life would be if we opened our hearts and practiced being brave?

-------------

Dear You,

i lost count of the days, 
it has been months but i lost count of it too...
though everything remains unmoved on my side,
our zero visibility is undeniably painful but somewhat helpful...
someday i will eventually be able to put these photos and messages away..
someday i will be able to keep you away from my dreams...
someday i will be able to break my silence...
someday i will be able to answer them why...
and someday... 
i will find a perfect way to say goodbye..

xxx,
ceangy

A Night in Greece

I got a chance a watch MAMMA MIA The Musical last Saturday. It was actually a local one. The show was okay but it came out not as what i expected it though. It was a bit pricey for it, so to say. Nonetheless, i enjoyed hearing all those ABBA songs again. They reminded me of two things: first, my past and second, my wish to go to Greece immediately after watching the movie years ago. Well, it's still part of my wishlist -- a wedding in Greece, on that same place, on that same chapel.. and that's dreaming BIG..(u gotta dream big nga diba?) haha

Dear You,

i am still lost for words...

i don't want to talk

cause it makes me feel sad..

somewhere deep inside

you must know i miss you

but what can i say?

rules must be obeyed..

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL!

xxx,

ceangy

Birthday Surprise from Stars

turning 30 has never been this exciting!!!

i never had so many flowers...

i never had so many greetings...

i never had so many gifts..

so 

i asked for a flower.. but it rained flowers on my birthday..

i wished that i would be remembered.... 

and greetings flooded my mail, my wall and my phones..

indeed i felt really special and loved...

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Special Thanks to MIAH FERNANDEZ for making this surprise birthday video..

and to Hazel, Kittin, Tita Esther, Trixie, Jacky, Jeni, Rayann, Kalai, and Jo Anne 

for surprising me much! i super duper love you all!

and THANK YOU to all my ARTISTA FRIENDS and my BUBBLE GANG Family... hahaha
oh yes ECHO, i love you... 
and you too, SAM PINTO! lol

(THANK YOU darcy, dada, melai, aldygirl, lui, alnie, angel, rhoda jane, auntie josie and leslie)

(THANK YOU Mama and Papa)

(THANK YOU JpFlo for sending me these from the land down under)

(THANK YOU Mackyboy for the burger treat!)

(THANK YOU te Patty for getting me these lovely froggies fresh from Ilocos)

(THANK YOU te Tutet for this Xmini)

 (THANK YOU te Rhodora for this birthday gift.. can't wait to laag na)

(THANK YOU te Ghedi for making this..missing the old times)

(THANK YOU Cheryl Ramos for this pretty dress and THANK YOU NIJI for the LOVE)

to those who greeted me on facebook, viber, instagram, whatsapp and ymessenger..

to those who sent me birthday text messages...

to those who emailed me and sent me private messages...

you all know who you are...

THANK YOU!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Somebody That I Used To Know

if you can't find the right words to say, then just sing it away!

Dear You,

Somebody That I Used To Know

by Walk off the Earth

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

I told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end 

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off 

Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing 

I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger

And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records

And then change your number

Guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believin it was always something that I'd done

But I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh

But you didn't have cut me off

Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing (oh)

I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger 

and that feels so rough

(oh)

No, you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect you records

And then change your number (oh)

Guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody that I used to know

Somebody (now your just somebody that I used to know)

That I used to know

Somebody that I used to know

Somebody (somebody) (now your just somebody that I used to know)

That I used to know

I used to know

That I used to know

I used to know

Somebody

xxx,

ceangy

Say You're Sorry

yes tomorrow is my birthday. and i'm excited for the BIG 3-O...

i just want to be happy much on my day...
i wish for hearts and flowers...

Dear YOU,

It's not the curtain closing causing us to call it a day

I want to walk away too

But I want you to say you are sorry

I'm not the one who went and made a mistake

I want to walk away too

But I want you to say you are sorry

xxx,

bLack aNgeL

I'll Be Over You

welcoming the first day of AUGUST with Aiza Seguerra's lovely voice.

i don't know but i really love this version. so smooth, so relaxing..

"...there are no guarantees

no alibis

that's how our love must be

don't ask why..."

 i only have 14 more days to do everything on my 

30thingsin30daysbefore30 LIST

thirteen out of thirty.

OMGeee! Pressure much!

keeping my fingers crossed...

I Can't Make You Love Me - Adele

morning will come and i'll do what's right

just give me till then to give up this fight

and i will give up this fight.

cause i can't make you love me if you don't

you can't make your heart feel something that it won't

PAYPHONE

you turned your back on tomorrow

'cause you forgot yesterday

i gave you my love to borrow

but you just gave it away

you can't expect me to be fine

i don't expect you to care

i know i've said it before but

all of our bridges burned down

i've wasted my nights

you've turned out the lights

now i'm paralyzed

still stuck in that time

when we called it love

but even the sun sets in paradise

Dear YOU,

........

<3,

ME

DOT Davao Region

It's more fun in the Philippines!!!

There's really no place like home.

All my life, Davao has been my home.

and Davao will always be the best for me!

Proud much!!!

I Wont Give Up

Can we make this our paradise?

i won't give up on us

even if the skies get rough 

i'm giving you all my love

i'm still looking up.

and when you're needing your space

to do some navigating

i'll be here patiently waiting

to see what you find

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Love on the Rocks

"Love on the Rocks" by Sara Bareilles

Gonna Get Over You

"Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles

Seasons of Love

‎525,600 minutes. how do we measure a year?


In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee...

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. =)