i have kept this heart intact for a years. it was a supposed anniversary gift. a his and hers kind of thing. he gets the girl, i get the boy. but for some reason it was never really given away, never broken apart.
i lost count of the absence. i don't know when to start counting. all i know is that it has been for some time now. and though it still hurts much, i don't have any choice but to move on and accept things. today i finally had the courage to do what i feared to do. it was part of my 30thingsin30daysbefore30 list. and today i have seen it. he looked happy. i've seen the smiles. i can tell he is. whatever reasons he may have, one thing is clear to me, he doesn't want me to be part of his life now. i just wished it would bring in hate this time. but it didn't. much hurt came, piercing like a knife. Oh love, why are you so hard on me?
i so wish i am out of here. memories hurt more that anything else. every corner of this room reminds me of everything. and trust me, it is much difficult for me as you can imagine. i just want a tight hug from mama and papa right now. i wish they are just a few steps away. and yes my alone time gives me the distraction that i need, but temporarily. it is when i get home, go to bed and close my eyes everyday that i'm having a hard time dealing with. sometimes i wonder why i wasn't born rich so i could travel anytime and anywhere i want to. it would be much easier for someone like me who finds comfort in travelling.
a few more days before my birthday. and i know God has a perfect gift for me when that day comes. and i can't wait for that special box coming my way. but for now i just owe my self some silence, some time to break, some time to bleed. in time.... in God's perfect time...
Dear Heart,
I'm sorry i had to break you.
I suppose it is the right time.
Just give me some time.
Let's not rush into things.
There's still a lot to do to perfectly heal.
Breaking is just part of it, the start of it.
But for now let us just bleed together.
We both need it my dear heart.
Soon enough we will find that good in goodbye.
Soon.
And by that time we will have a different story to tell.
A story worth telling.
xxx,
bLack aNgeL
2 comments:
That's good te. I'm not being sadistic but hurting is part of the process. Believe me, been there several times. At some point, you'd get tired of all the hurt and you would want to move on. For now, just wallow on the pain and all that shit, it will make you stronger ***hugs***
@Pring : thanks te.. i am much aware that the more i force myself to get over, the more i can't get over.. so i just have to keep bleeding until it bleeds no more... besides, i'm pretty sure it will come in time.. i just don't know when exactly and how long will this bleeding be..
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