i won't say anything

APRIL 29, 2010..Thursday...

Woke up really early today.. I guess i'm having a bad hair day again... i just realized that my mind stopped working.. it's like what the hell am i doing with my life? am i not thinking? or am i thinking too much that i could not even distinguish an answer from a question? WHERE IS MY FUCKIN' MIND?????

I am gullible.. my good old friend just slapped it out into my face... adj. gullible - naive and easily decieved or tricked.. he asked me if i know someone like that.. and as per definition, i said YES.. with no doubt, ME!.. easily tricked because of being too trusting.. always believe that things can ONLY get better.. so not fuckin' true but i keep on sticking it into my mind... what a crap!

APRIL 29, 2010... supposedly turning 5 today.. i have this fuckin' sickness of holding on into something worth throwing away... it ended months ago...no doubt about that.. so why do i still keep on counting? i dunno... maybe because i have something planned and i still haven't done yet.. i really don't know.. i need to keep my mind working again... my heart's too overworked.. maybe it should stop beating for awhile...

STOP. But when do i stop eating my words??? goodbye should be goodbye ayt? but it's not always the case for me.. it aint over 'til it's over, so i say... but when do i say it's really over? .. everybody says i should stop, it's such a unanimous decision.. but i'm listening with deaf ears.. it's not that i don't see what they all see but it's as if i don't really mind it...but are they seeing what i see? absolutely not..or maybe i'm just creating a world of illusion that things are going to be better soon, that things would go accordingly..

Now i'm back to saying goodbye again..for the Nth time.. When do i possibly stop saying goodbye and ending up saying hello again???? Life isn't fair, so they say.. but is life really unfair? NO.. i don't think it is. Cos if we really think that it is, then it is as if saying God is unfair.. Who created life? Who gave us life?.. We can't always get what we want, that's a fact.. it's all about perspective.. Actually, if you try to look at things clearly, it's all my fault.. i asked for it.. so whatever is happening to me , i am taking full responsibility.. it's not his fault.. he made it clear but i didn't leave.. so for the nth time i'm telling you, please don't hate him..

i won't say anything.. (Teddy Geiger)