In the course of living our lives, we meet a lot of people. Acquaintace or maybe more than that. A lot of them will just come and go, and there will be some who will leave special marks. I don't believe in pure coincidences, things happen because they have to happen. We meet people because at some point, there is a need to meet them. Our paths are just fated to cross for certain reasons. Lucky for those who know exactly why. But most of the time, things gets a little mixed up which makes it hard to figure out why we had to meet on the first place.
Sometimes fate works mysteriously. We get to meet people at the perfect time, and that is way too easy. But it doesn't always work that way. As i always say, SHIT HAPPENS! And without a doubt, timing is such a bitch. By the start of this year i met somebody. It was a casual meeting. We stayed at the same shop for days but barely talked. But a sudden twist of events happened. A simple "hi" started another story.
Things were different after that. A long night of chatting about anything under the sun was inevitable. We shared the same passion on things.. travels, adventures, running, everything. It was like i can see myself in him a lot. Guess that would be the reason why we talked almost every single day from then on. A sushi dinner date and a whole Friday night spent with him was just amazing. But my flight back was a few hours after. I thought that was the end of it. I sent him a message at the airport saying "see you when i see you." ... words from somebody who suck at goodbyes to somebody who i'm pretty sure i will not see again. I secretly hoped for another chance though. A chance that would only become a reality if fate would be good to me. And i guess the odds are on my side that time.
His friend made plans of going to Boracay, just in time for my valentine trip with friends there. And so definitely we will meet again. But fate was extra good to me that time. After our talks, he decided to go to my city for a few days just before the Boracay trip. Doing things together on our separate lists was really fun. Spending time with him made me feel comfortably happy and at home. We were inseparable in a sense that even his friend got jealous cos he thought he was spending more time with me. We had happy moments together. We like doing the same things without faking it. We were simply enjoying the NOW rather than worrying about the what ifs. It was happiness in a surprise.
It was only during our last night together in Boracay that everything was sinking in to me. He gave me my first ever valentine date. An italian dinner by the sea. He didn't know that was exactly what i wanted. I told him nothing. But that's what i got. He made me really happy even more. Being with him in Cebu, Davao and Boracay made me realize a lot of things. For just a few days of being together, i didn't realize somebody would make me miss a lot... doing things together, cuddling, kissing or just simply doing nothing and just being happy together. I never told him that at that time. He asked me a lot of times what i was thinking cos maybe he caught me staring blanky at the sea that night. I just kept saying NOTHING. I lied. At that point i didn't want the night to end. I wanted to freeze time. I was crying inside knowing that when the sun rises tomorrow everything will end with it. For the first time i doubted my decision to leave the Philippines. At that point i didn't want to leave. Honestly, i was too happy to leave. And the thought that i might not get another chance of having that kind of bliss scared me. At that moment i just wanted to be with him and i just didn't want to let go.
Shit happens. There was no way of escaping reality. I had to leave, he has to stay. And the only chance i could get is one more night in Cebu before i finally leave the country. Again the odds were with me. He ditched the plan of going with his friend to Oslob just to spend a few more hours with me. It was heaven and hell at the same time. It was surely another happy moment to add up but the thought of letting go of everything in a few hours is eating me up. I was too afraid. I suck at goodbyes and worst, i didn't want to say goodbye. The final moment we had at the airport was torture. I wanted to be with him more. But it was time to leave and with that was the greater chance of not seeing him again. I never told him anything about what was really going on. I was too afraid that he was seeing things differently. I was too afraid that i would only set my hopes high that there would be a possibility of being US even with the miles in between and eventually get disappointed because it wouldn't happen. I never heard his side of the story.
All communication lines were surprisingly still open after that. Everyday we sent messages to each other. He even tried to go to Malaysia to see me. Effort was well appreciated for sure. When i got to UAE we still talked.... whatsapp, viber, skype and even regular sms...everyday... He said he even got to the point of looking for a way to do his diving course here. But i guess it was not really meant to be. And some good things are really not meant to last. The distance issue slowly surfaced. The reality of being not together is growing. And the fact that things will never be possible with the miles in between is clouding the happy moments of the past. I am beginning to believe that long distance relationships don't really work. I never realized that even after the failure of my 7-year long distance relationship. Maybe because i have always believed that it is better to be truly happy with someone than just being comfortable with anybody available. And that I was trapped in the notion that it was always the quality of time spent together not the quantity. But the truth is, it doesn't work as how simple as it may look. It just couldn't be unless one, if not both, will take a risk of changing the course of fate. It is just too impossible now. Guess you can't really get everything that you want. And i didn't realize that a simple "hi" would end up with a complicated "goodbye". True, what happens after we meet up for a few weeks? Another endless waiting for the uncertain. It would be hard especially when you really want to be with that somebody for real. Even skype cannot replace that. The urge of being together should be greater than just the mere liking. There can never be a real relationship if two people are not sure of what they really want and go after it. Things will never work unless both decide to take risks and try to make things work. It will only work if both of you will make it work. It takes two to tango. Yes, i always say that we always have choices... It's just a YES or a NO... no ifs, no buts... But sometimes, our choices would depend on things we don't have control over with. And that's when choices make us. By then, taking chances is all we can do.
My happy times with him may only be memories of the past. I am not sure but it is better to think things that way. It will be an unfinished business for now. And i am not sure if it would be better to leave it that way or not. Lets just see what happens to us. I guess we both need time to realize if we both want to take risks and spend time with each other again or not. I guess we both need time away to realize if everything is worth all these shit and that being happy together is better than being happy with somebody else. Reality check...we are two different people, having two different lives, in two different parts of the world, having two different realities around us and were just given a few amazing weeks to make happy memories together. I was really happy with him, i have never been happier. It was like my soul has become at home within his company. But it was obviously not enough. His like for me was not enough for him to take a big move. My fondness of him is not enough to take the risk of going with the consequences of giving everything up here. Time and distance have become my enemies. Fate has already decided. And the odds are no longer with me. He asked me why do i still like him after everything and i answered him in an instant..."i don't know. If i only had a choice why would i complicate my life instead of making it simple. I never thought i would like you this much and who would have thought we would come this far." We can never choose who will enter our lives and much more who will be special to us. Out of nowhere at an unexpected time, it just happens. That is the magic of it. He was part of my legend and i was part of his that's why our paths crossed. I just don't know if we still are and will still be. Maybe there was a need for the two of us to meet. If the two of us were not meant to stay in touch for these past few months then everything should have ended after the sushi date. But it didn't. Maybe we needed each other at that certain point in time. And maybe there is a reason of losing each other now. So if we are meant to meet again, we will meet again. What's meant to happen will happen. It is just a big case of bad timing. It is a case of being TOGETHER APART. And this is our story.
and this will forever remind me of the US there never was..
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